I’m “Fed UP!”

Finally got a chance to see Fed Up on Netflix. Definitely a must see! For those of you who still think soda, energy drinks, candy, processed foods and junk food is “not that bad”, you’re lying to yourselves. We’ve got to get America back in the kitchen and cooking REAL FOOD!

Putting Our Energy in the Right Places

Today I received a rather hostile email from a person who works for a company that I won’t mention in this post. It involved disrespecting me and belittling my involvement in a certain event because I did not bring in an expected amount of income for this company. What bothers me the most is that at this event I played a great set, the audience was very much enjoying the performance and a good energy was felt in the room. However the person who wrote this email, who did not attend the event might I add, felt the need to strip away all of the positive things that occurred and boil it down to “You didn’t make enough money for me, therefore you are worthless”.

 

I’ll admit, I was pretty angered by this email. I felt extremely disrespected and unappreciated. However I saw myself putting all of my energy into this very negative occurrence when in reality, the event was an overall positive and productive experience. I had a great time, and I connected with people. And that’s what’s really important.

Sometimes in our lives these black holes of negative energy appear and seem to suck everything out of us. But we have to remember that we have a choice in how this affects us. We have a choice in how much energy, time and thought we put into these black holes of negativity. 

 

Another important thing to remember is that everything is temporary. These feelings of anger will pass with time. Maybe even tomorrow I’ll forget about the whole thing.

I read a fantastic book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson last year (recommended by my best friend), and one of its many messages resonates with me in this situation. “Will this occurence matter one year from now? Will I still feel the same way about this one year from now? If not, then this doesn’t matter and just let it go.” This event definitely does not matter in the grand scheme of things. The person who wrote that e-mail is fixated on putting a dollar sign next to every experience, and that is his problem, not mine. So now I’m going to work on putting my energy into something positive and move forward.

 

Any whoo, just thought I’d share a little insight from my recent experience. I’m sure many of those reading this have undergone some bullshit in your life. Hope this helped you even in the tinniest little bit.

 

Put your energy into positive and productive places. Keep moving forward.

 

Peace and Love,

Heather S. Rose

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

This is Habit #5 in Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.

How many times have you been in an argument with someone and walked away feeling completely misunderstood and not resolving anything? How many times have you put your own needs/opinion infront of the other person’s and did not take the time to fully understand what they are saying?

We are all human and we can all relate to each other on a human to human level (no matter how crazy you think the other person is). Some people are better at communicating their needs and feelings than others. Some people tend to get emotional, or defensive when in an argument. This is why it’s particularly important to really understand what they are saying.

Take this example of a typical house hold argument:

Person A: “Clean up the stove! You always leave a huge mess in the kitchen!”

Person B: “No I don’t always leave mess! You’re so uptight!”

Is this really about cleaning the stove? Or is this about something else?

As stated early, it may be hard for Person A to come out and say “I don’t feel you respect me in my house.” So instead they introduce the discussion with: “Clean up the stove! You always leave a huge mess in the kitchen!” If you respond back by yelling “No I don’t always leave mess! You’re so uptight!”, the event turns into a screaming contest and both parties walk away with frustration and resentment. Taking the time to listen empathetically and reflectively can help the other person to open up and reveal what the real problem is.

Let’s try handling this discussion in a different way:

Person A: “Clean up the stove! You always leave a huge mess in the kitchen!”

Person B: “So I understand that you feel I don’t clean the stove enough.”

Person A: “Well, I feel like every time I come in the kitchen there’s a huge mess that you left and I have to clean up when I have a million things to. My whole life isn’t cleaning up after you!”

Person B: “So you feel like you’re always cleaning up after me.”

Person A: “Yes, I feel like you always leave the house and leave a huge mess behind you expecting someone else to clean it up.”

Person B: “So you feel I expect you to clean up after me.”

Person A: “Yes. I feel that you don’t respect me and my time and expect me to clean up your mess.”

Now we know what the real issue is, Person A doesn’t feel respected by Person B because of their messes left behind. Now Person B can continue on the conversation knowing what they are actually talking about.

Person B: “I’m really sorry that you feel I don’t respect you. I respect you a great deal. The reason why I sometimes leave a mess in the morning is that I have an 8am class this semester and it’s been hard for me to get to bed early enough to wake up on time. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m running late every morning, and because of this I’ll leave some dishes in the sink or a spot on the stove. My full intent is to clean it up as soon as I get home. I in no way expect anyone else to do it for me.”

Person A: “I can understand that. But it makes me feel anxious when the kitchen is dirty and I can’t cook my meals because of dirty dishes, spots on the stove, etc.”

Person B: “Ok, I will make a greater attempt to schedule in clean up time in my morning schedule. Maybe I’ll start packing my lunch the night before so that will be out of the way in the morning. But please don’t take it personally if I leave a dish or two behind.”

Person A: “Ok thanks. I won’t take it personally.”

Now the two parties can walk away from the conversation both feeling understood and resolving the real problem (Person A doesn’t feel respected by Person B). This method takes more time, but it saves countless encounters of screaming fights and unnecessary resentment.

I started using this technique in my own life a few years ago and it’s been very effective. Taking the time to communicate is very important when trying to resolve an issue. How can you solve a problem when the parties don’t understand where one another is coming from? This technique works in all areas of life: school, work, home and relationships. Our real issues are human issues and relatable (not feeling respected, feeling controlled or manipulated, etc.) Find out what the person is really saying, their feelings or concerns about the problem, then share your feelings and concerns about the problem. The act of listening empathetically really helps people open up and develop trust. A person who feels they can be open with you and who feels they can trust you is much more likely to cooperate on an issue than a person who feels they need to be defensive.

Try this the next time you find you’re dealing with a difficult person. You’ll be surprised at what you’ll discover!

In the great words of Nina Simone:

“Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood!”

Peace and Love,

Heather S. Rose

Balance Between Movement and Stillness

Hello all!

I have been reading an amazing book called “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings” by Thich Nhat Hanh and I would like to share somethings I’ve learned and come to realize in my readings.

There is a peace that exists within all of us. Some are more in tune with it than others, but it is still there. We all come from the same force; energy. It’s the fuel that makes us move, breathe, feel and think. Energy is what separates us from the dead. Death is when energy leaves our bodies and transforms into the atmosphere to find a new home. Energy can be vibrant like a playful child, or still like a lily in the pond.

Nature has its natural cycle of energy. With birth in the spring, vibrance and movement in the summer, relaxation in the fall, and stillness in winter. Nature lives inside of us all, whether we ignore it or not.

Happiness can only exist where there is a balance between movement and stillness. The world turns, pulling us into momentum. Sometimes we feel the need to run ahead of the turning of the world, with our problems constantly chasing us. One of the hardest, yet simplest lessons we must learn, is to practice stillness. To move with the turning of the earth without resistance. Not to worry about progress, but for a moment, to observe, be still and accept things as they are.

There is a wisdom within each of us. When we are still we can hear our own voice that will guide us, and tell us where to go.

So move when it’s time to move, be still when it’s time to be still, practice balance and you will find happiness.

Peace and Love,
Heather Scarlett